The First Decemberween Ever Script
by Radioactive
Summary: We all know the great cartoon "A Decemberwen Pageant", but what do you think the script for the pageant looked like? This is my rendition.
1. Act I

THE FIRST DECEMBERWEEN EVER

FIRST DRAFT

BASED UPON THE LEGEND OF THE ORIGIN OF DECEMBERWEEN

RETOLD BY STRONG BAD

12/21/02

(fade in)

ACT I

EXT. STREET—DAY

Gerty, a young girl with earmuffs and...Acid-washed jeans...is walking along.

GERTY  
I can't wait to celebrate Decemberween, the annual celebration of December!

She looks over and sees a guy with...a spinach knish is some Tupperware? Maybe?

GERTY  
Hey! Can you wait till Decemberween?

GUY  
No such thing, man.

GERTY  
Oh, no! I must tell Dr. Christmas!

INT. DR. CHRISTMAS'S OFFICE—SUNDOWN

Gerty runs into the office of Dr. Christmas, who's a guy...who...is a doctor...but only on...Christmas? By appointment only.

GERTY  
Dr. Christmas! I've got bad news!

DR. CHRISTMAS  
Is a guy named Jethro asking for his donkey back?

GERTY  
Um...no.

DR. CHRISTMAS  
Oh. Good. Then what is it?

GERTY  
There isn't such thing as Decemberween! It's missing!

DR. CHRISTMAS  
Oh, no! There's only one man who can help me now!

INT. ARCHIBALD'S HOUSE—NIGHT 

The house of Archibald Fisherprice, a super-cool guy that's like...a fisher-type guy. He is eating a corn-on-the-cob.

ARCHIBALD  
This is some pretty good corn-of-the-cob!

Dr. Christmas runs in.

DR. CHRISTMAS  
Archibald, we've got to find the first Decemberween!

ARCHIBALD  
I'll search down by the docks.

DR. CHRISTMAS  
Good thinking! I'll come with you!

Dr. Christmas and Archibald walk away.

EXT. THE DOCKS—NIGHT

Archibald and Dr. Christmas are there. They look around for the first Decemberween. They don't see it.

ARCHIBALD  
Well, I don't see anything. Any luck, doc?

DR. CHRISTMAS  
Well, I thought I saw Donald Duck a few minutes ago, but no Decemberweens.

ARCHIBALD  
I guess we'll have to sail out on my trusty fishing boat, the U.S.S. Trimball.

Archibald gets into his boat, the U.S.S. Trimball and prepares to set sail. Dr. Christmas does not.

ARCHIBALD  
You comin'?

DR. CHRISTMAS  
Nah, I'm afraid o' water.

ARCHIBALD  
Wimp.

Archibald sets sail.

EXT. SQUID LAKE—NIGHT

ARCHIBALD  
Maybe I'll find the first Decemberween out here in Squid Lake.

A squid comes up.

ARCHIBALD  
How unfortunate! Oh, what a terrible fate has bestowed to me! There's a squid.

But Archibald, being an experienced...um...squid...wrangler?...picks up his oar and pushes away the squid.

ARCHIBALD  
Well, I didn't find the first Decemberween, but I still by 50 experience points for defeating that squid!

Cut to:

EXT. KING'S CASTLE—NIGHT

Dr. Christmas and Archibald walk up to the castle of the King of Town, who, for some reason, is the King of the town. No one's quite sure how he got to be King, but he lives in a castle, has a crown, and has the Popular Vote on his side. Literally.

DR. CHRISTMAS  
If we want to find the first Decemberween, we need funding from the King. You comin'?

ARCHIBALD  
No way, man. That guy creeps me out. And I'm allergic to double-digit IQ's.

DR. CHRISTMAS  
You're not gonna help me? I'm gonna remember this!

INT. KING'S CASTLE-NIGHT 

Dr. Christmas comes in to the castle of the King of Town, ready to ask the King for funding for the expedition to find the first Decemberween. The KOT is played by—what do you mean the King of Town should play the King of Town, The Cheat? Preposterous! I'll get...well, I guess I'll get Homestar to do it. And stop coming over to my computer.

THE KING OF TOWN  
Good Non-Decemberween to you, Dr. Christmas!

DR. CHRISTMAS  
Bad news, King.

THE KOT  
Oh-ho-ho? Do tell!

DR. CHRISTMAS  
We need to find the first Decemberween before midnight tonight!

THE KOT  
What do you require for this mission oh-so-brave?

DR. CHRISTMAS  
We need fifty bags of gold!

THE KOT  
I just can't do it, Dr. Christmas. Famine has ruined all the town's gold. Let us away, Popular Vote!

The KOT begins to float away. The Popular Vote follows. Now, he'll be played by...wait, I know! Hey, The Cheat, I'll let you play the Popular Vote if you bring me a bagel!

Hey, it worked! Okay, little guy, you're in the show!

End of Act I.


	2. Act II

THE FIRST DECEMBERWEEN EVER

FIRST DRAFT

BASED UPON THE LEGEND OF THE ORIGIN OF DECEMBERWEEN

RETOLD BY STRONG BAD

12/22/02

ACT II

EXT. STREET—NIGHT

Dr. Christmas comes out of the castle.

ARCHIBALD  
So? Did you get the funding?

DR. CHRISTMAS  
Sorry.

ARCHIBALD  
You couldn't get money from the King? How simple is that! You are so stupid!

DR. CHRISTMAS  
Well, you didn't do much better finding Decemberween at the docks!

ARCHIBALD  
Oh, now you're blaming this mess on _me?_

DR. CHRISTMAS  
Maybe I am!

ARCHIBALD, DR. CHRISTMAS (same time)  
That is it! I'm sick of you messing up our plans all the time! I'm going to settle this once and for all! And there's only one place to settle this—the top of Mt. Rushmore!

INT. AIRPORT—NIGHT

Dr. Christmas and Archibald sit in the waiting area. Archibald is reading a book, Dr. Christmas is doing a crossword puzzle.

ARCHIBALD  
Need any help?

DR. CHRISTMAS  
Yeah, what's a 9-letter word for 'verified'?

ARCHIBALD  
'Confirmed.'

DR. CHRISTMAS  
Thanks.

A few minutes later...

ANNOUNCEMENT (o.s.)  
Flight 402 to Rapid City now boarding.

ARCHIBALD  
Is that us?

DR. CHRISTMAS  
Yeah, let's go.

INT. AIRPLANE—NIGHT

FLIGHT ATTENDANT  
Drink, sir?

ARCHIBALD  
Yeah, I'll have a Diet Sprite.

DR. CHRISTMAS  
I'll just have water.

ARCHIBALD  
Oh, and can I have a pillow?

FLIGHT ATTENDANT  
Certainley, sir.

A few hours later...

CAPTAIN (o.s.)  
Folks, this is your captain speaking. We've begun our decent into the Rapid City area, and should be arriving within 25 minutes. The local time is 9:02 PM. Thank you for flying WestJet.

EXT. MT. RUSHMORE-NIGHT

ARCHIBALD  
Okay, we're finally at Mt. Rushmore. And now, we fight to the death!

Archibald lunges at Dr. Christmas. Dr. Christmas holds up his fist. Archibald slams into it in midair and is knocked back. Archibald falls off the edge of the mountain and crashes along Thomas Jefferson's face.

ARCHIBALD  
Ow! Ooh! Eee! Ah! Ouch! Oof! Oy!

(Use a stuntman for this shot. And by "stuntman", I mean "Strong Sad.")

He lands on the ground. Dr. Christmas is there.

ARCHIBALD  
How did you get here so quickly?

DR. CHRISTMAS  
Elevator.

ARCHIBALD  
Of course!

DR. CHRISTMAS  
Well, what say we get back to town and find the first Decemberween?

ARCHIBALD  
Sounds like a plan!

And down to the airport they go.

End of Act II.


	3. Act III

ACT III

INT. TOWN ARCHIVES—NIGHT

The Angel is in the Archives. They angel is a girl who is also an angel, and has a halo and wings, and lives in town. She is looking through a large book (the only book in the Archives) entitled _Everything About Everything in Town by Mick McMickerson_. She opens it to the page entitled "The Angel". It says this:

_The Angel is a girl who is also an angel, and has a halo and wings, and lives in town. She likes Pecan Cream pie and Jazz. She once went on a trip to France with the Popular Vote. She does not remember this due to her amnesia from a cheesecake falling on her head._

THE ANGEL  
The Popular Vote and I had a secret past? I must contact him at once!

INT. KING'S CASTLE—NIGHT

The Popular Vote is with the King of Town. The KOT is annoying him greatly.

THE KOT  
So then, he's all, 'Nuh-uh!' and I'm all, 'Yah-huh!' and he's all—

The Angel comes in.

THE ANGEL  
Popular Vote! I have shocking news! You and I have a secret past!

THE POPULAR VOTE  
Meh mehmeh meh?  
(Trans: A secret past?)

THE ANGEL  
Yes! Apparently, we went to France once!

THE POPULAR VOTE  
Meh, meh! Meh mehmehmeh meh!  
(Trans: Oh, yeah! I remember that!)

THE ANGEL  
Well, let's go again!

THE POPULAR VOTE  
Meh, meh!  
(Trans: Yes, let's!)

EXT. FRANCE—NIGHT

The Angel and the popular vote are in France.

THE ANGEL  
What shall we do?

THE POPULAR VOTE  
Meh meh meh meh meh mehmeh?  
(Trans: How 'bout we eat cheese pizza?)

THE ANGEL  
Oh, that sounds like fun!

INT. PIZZERIA—NIGHT

PIZZA GUY  
Welcome to Pizza Shack. What would you like?

THE ANGEL  
One cheese pizza, please!

PIZZA GUY  
Coming right up. (turns around, faces the kitchen) STEVE! TWO CHEESES!

STEVE  
WHAT?

PIZZA GUY  
I SAID TWO CHEESES!

STEVE  
OH! THIN CRUST OR THICK CRUST?

PIZZA GUY  
JUST A SECOND! Thin or thick?

THE POPULAR VOTE  
Meh-meh.  
(Trans: Stuffed-Crust.)

PIZZA GUY  
STUFFED-CRUST!

STEVE  
OKAY!

PIZZA GUY  
It'll be ready in a few minutes.

A few minutes later.

PIZZA GUY  
Okay, here it is.

He gives them their pizza.

THE ANGEL  
Thank you!

INT. TABLE—PIZZERIA—NIGHT

They start eating their pizza.

THE ANGEL  
This is some good pizza!

They finish their pizza.

THE POPULAR VOTE  
Meh meh meh meh mehmeh!  
(Trans: That was some good pizza!)

THE ANGEL  
What should we do next?

THE POPULAR VOTE  
Meh mehmeh meh meh meh meh mehmeh mehmeh?  
(Trans: How about we ride on a roller coaster?)

THE ANGEL  
That's a great idea!

EXT. FRENCH FAIR—NIGHT

They are riding on a roller coaster.

THE ANGEL  
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

THE POPULAR VOTE  
Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!  
(Trans: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!)

Cut to:

EXT. FRANCE—NIGHT

It is time to say goodbye for some reason. Sad music is playing.

THE ANGEL  
Well, I guess this is goodbye.

THE POPULAR VOTE  
Meh meh meh meh!  
(Trans:Thisisso sad!)

THE ANGEL  
I'll never forget you, Popular Vote, not in a million years!

The Popular Vote starts crying.

THE ANGEL  
Don't cry! Popular Votes aren't supposed to cry! (smiling) You might rust.

The Popular Vote laughs weakly.

THE POPULAR VOTE  
Meh...mehmeh.  
(Trans: Well, goodbye.)

THE ANGEL  
Goodbye, Popular Vote.  
(beat)  
See you on the airplane back home.

There is a pause.

A cheesecake falls on the Angel's head.

End of Act III.


	4. Act IV

THE FIRST DECEMBERWEEN EVER

FIRST DRAFT

BASED UPON THE LEGEND OF THE ORIGIN OF DECEMBERWEEN

RETOLD BY STRONG BAD

ACT IV

EXT. TOWN—NIGHT

The Angel and the Popular Vote have just got back into town. The Angel goes up to the King of Town.

THE KOT  
Welcome back, Angel!

THE ANGEL  
Any luck finding Decemberween?

THE KOT  
Nope. But it would be great if you could help us look for it!

THE ANGEL  
Of course!

So Dr. Christmas, the Angel, Archibald, the King of Town, and Kobe Briant #1 (Pom Pom) and Kobe Briant #2 (Strong Mad) are all running around town, looking for the first Decemberween.

ARCHIBALD  
You guys, I think that to get the first Decemberween to show up, we need to do a big musical number!

THE KOT  
I conquer!

They all stand together in a line. Music begins to play, and they all start singing.

KOBE #1 (singing in bubbletalk)  
Bubble bubble bubble bubble!  
(Trans: Decemberween is almost here!)

KOBE #2 (singing?)  
WE MUST SPREAD DECEMBERWEEN CHEER!!

ARCHIBALD (singing beautifully)  
Before the clock strikes 12 tonight!

DR. CHRISTMAS (singing)  
We must find Decemberween to make things right!

THE ANGEL (singing)  
When we find Decemberween, everything will be good!

THE KOT (singing)  
And all in the town will be the way it should!

KOBE #1, KOBE #2 (singing)  
Because...  
Because...  
Because?  
Because!

The music gets a lot stronger, the singing becomes louder.

ARCHIBALD (singing)  
Because everyone's searching and looking and searching!

THE ANGEL (singing)  
And everyone's hanging around!

DR. CHRISTMAS (singing)  
And who can be sure if we're looking for something?

THE KOT (singing)  
And looking for something I a-am!

The music stops and the song ends.

ARCHIBALD  
Great, you guys! I bet my awesome singing encouraged Decemberween to come running up here! I'm gonna go find him. My expert skills'll have us celebratin' Decemberween in no time!

Archibald runs down the street, ready to show everyone how good he is at finding Decemberween's.

ARCHIBALD (o.s.)  
Decemberwee-een! Decemberwee-een! Come out, come out, where ever you are!

Back with the Angel, Dr. Christmas, and the KOT, there is an awkward silence, eventually broken by the King.

THE KOT  
Umm...who are you?

DR. CHRISTMAS  
You don't know who I am?

THE KOT  
Noperino.

DR. CHRISTMAS  
Everybody knows me! My name's Cornbread!

Archibald comes up. He has not found the first Decemberween, and feels stupid for it. He will have to stall the others until he does show up.

ARCHIBALD  
Uh...I found a computer. I think it can help us!

DR. CHRISTMAS  
So, this computer you speak of...where is it?

ARCHIBALD  
Umm...on the moon. Yeah, it's a Moon Computer. It can do lots of other stuff too, like help you do your taxes.

THE ANGEL  
I can take you there! Everyone hop on!

Just then, as they're all about to climb onto the Angel's back, someone comes up. They look to see who it is—  
And it is none other than the first Decemberween! He glows magestically in the light of the moon as he appears before them in all his majesty!  
Okay! I'm gonna have to cast someone good as Decemberween, to handle all that majesty! Well, I'm already taken, and Coach Z's signed up the be the director, and the King, well, I don't see anything wrong with casting the King, only...he's the King. I can't cast a loser like the King. I guess I'll have to cast...crap! Looks like the only one left is Strong Sad! Okay, forget the majesty part. No majesty for the Wiggidyweiner. Just have him walk in.

DR. CHRISTMAS  
Behold! The first Decemberween!

DECEMBERWEEN  
Happy Decemberween to everyone!

I hope the City Dump doesn't mess up his line.

THE KOT  
This is the first Decemberween ever!

(fade out)

Author's Notes: If this doesn't become a movie, I guess I could get it as a play at the Free Country Theatre. You can get anything in there. They even let in The Cheat's one-man monologue show about the time he ate some bad clams. Easy as pie. Or at least tort.


End file.
